Ek tha Manager!!

एक था अपना चतुर मेनेजर
फिरता था ना जाने इधर उधर
सवेरे जाता काज को, रात को मिलता समाज को
जीवन उसका अजीब था, पैसे थे फिर भी वोह गरीब था
सिमट गयी थी सारी ज़िन्दगी सप्ताहांत तक
इंतज़ार करता खुदका वोह एकांत तक
MS Outlook ने लेली उसकी जान
Orkut से था वोह हैरान परेशान
Gmail ने G1 करदिया बिगाड़
Gtalk ने बना दिया एक भद्दा मज़ाक
Facebook जो शुरू किया तो दुनिया भूल गया
क्या करदिया उसने जो सारा वातावरण ही बदल गया?

जब ना था यह मेनेजर, बादल को देख कर होता यह आकर्षित
झील झरने नदियाँ सब इसे लगती थी विचित्र
दोस्त तब थे सबके सब निस्वार्थ
जीवन में हर दिन निकलता था इक नया अर्थ
समय का ना पता चलता था जब
कहाँ गये वो दिन सारे अब?
क्यूँ होगया जीवन उसका 9 to 6 अब?
क्या मेनेजर बनना सबसे बड़ी गलती थी?
क्यूँ बना मेनेजर वोह जब बात यह उसे खलती थी?
आखिर क्यूँ?

19 fundamentals of life...

- Lose love, but never lose self respect

- Death is sudden, so whatever you have planned do it now

- Time of others is more valuable than yours

- Listen to music or read books, they both have to sell

- The effort going up is always more than coming down

- Value your subordinates, they can kill you at the wrong time!

- Cribbing doesn't get you anything. So shut the f**k up and get back to work!

- Give respect to get respect

- Beware of good/great/best friends. They know too much about you to screw you!

- If money would be greatest motivator, I would have looted a bank by now

- Forgiveness is the virtue of the strong. One should be weak!

- Smart people are few, cherish them...

- What goes around....comes around....

- Nobody has more time than the rest. Everyone has 24 of them :-P

- Every action doesn't have an equal and opposite reaction. Newton was wrong!

- Never talk bad about the one who cooks your food...

- Work hard. Party harder and then one day you will get married...

- Trust you decisions. If you won't no one will...

- When offered alcohol always help yourself. God helps those who help themselves.

The Road ahead...

There are times when you just think about your life till date. What went right and what went wrong. What you could have done differently and how things could have been better. I would love to do this sitting in a Barista reading a novel in mild rain... But unfortunately I am fortunate enough only to be a road... Yes I am called the Andheri Kurla Road.

I don't know my date of birth but I am pretty sure that some politician would have inaugrated me in early 90's. But I am well connected with my friends, Western Express Highway, Marol Road, MIDC and Chandivali. Although I am a bit more worked up than my friends always, I used to enjoy my life, the hustle and bustle around till some time ago. Mumbai was a good place to be in 10 years ago. There were fewer people, fewer offices around and a less congested airport around. I had a great life then. I used to get up at about 7am then and work till 10pm. I was like a person in HUL Sales role.The life was tough but there was great learning and value additions. I used to help 20000 vehicles to cross over me. I was a critical bridge between the west and east and possibly the only one then. Even influential people used to ride me day in and day out.

But then the time passed and times changed. Do you know Mumbai adds about 1000 new residents everyday. In old days there were 1300 auto rickshaws in Andheri. Today there are 7500...all this in a span of 10 years. My working hours are longer. These days I start at 5am and go on till 1am. I feel I have become an I-Banker, adding no significant value and spending way too many hours at work. Other think that there are benefits... I do get a makeover once a week, weekends I work only 8 hours :-P and people invest lot of time and money in my development. However I think I wont be able to take this pressure any longer. Some people even say that I am a pothole with roads in it...rather than a road with potholes... You know sometimes it hurts. It hurts when someone tries to plug every hole in your body with hot melting Tar over and over again...but I take that shit everytime as I don't want people to hate me.....
And over and above this the government decided that Mumbai needs a Metro. Every day there is a big drill who comes like a bad boss and screws me down right and centre.
And everybody holds me responsible if they get late, or they meet a bad pothole or they brush another car in the pathetic traffic. Why am I responsible?
And this is just the beginning... How will I feel when a train starts running over me... How would one feel?

I am bored and sick of my life! I know suicide is a criminal offense... but people of Mumbai are not leaving me with another choice!

I hope times change... I just hope!

What's social about it?

This is a very small post and is a reaction to the feelings that emanate when I open by social networking pages and see arbit friend requests. Some crack me up while some make me hate myself when I registered on one of these sites. I am writing about the 3 friend requests I got this morning, people who I do not know and never would want to know in my remaining human life.

- Person name : Prem Diwani
- Reason for sending the request: Not mentioned
- My reaction would be: I can understand the injustice that your parents have inflicted upon you by naming you in the first place. I sympathize with you but I am bad at sharing sadness. Also I dont think you define sadness. Its the sadness that was defined after you.

- Person name : Manu Patel
- Reason for sending the request: Hi, I want to do a CAT and need some tips
- My reaction would be: Hai raam, kya hogaya is duniya ko!! :-)

- Person name : Ramchandra Bhoye
- Reason for sending the request: Remember me?
- My reaction would be: If I would want to remeber you then you would already be in my friends list. If you are someone who I have met just once an you feel I deserve to be your friend, its Ok. I have magnetic effect on people. :-P

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Bala-G ... "G" maane "Goofy"

I would have posted this long time ago, but this post had been sitting in the Drafts section of my blog as I wanted to post it when the day is right. And today the day is right... :-)


The following is an excerpt from a non-fictional conquest of Z-balls to try and find a girl and part ways from the ossum club of the single called "Balls-Bhramchari"

The following excerpt involves a girl (in future referred as Balika-G) and Z-balls (in future referred as Bala-G)

Scene : Z-balls and the girl are sitting alone in a room and discussing if they can see a future for themselves.

Balika-G :Hello, I am Anamika
Bala-G: I am Bala-G or Man-Duck (B.Arch, MBA from IIMA) .... eom

Balika-G: Wow! I have never met a graduate from IIMA... Is this the real one or something like IIPM?
Bala-G: Its Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad .... Grrrr.....Peace to all ...eom

Balika-G: I am feeling I am doing all the talking... hee haw... you should also say something.
Bala-G: Yes you are... eom

Bala-G: I do have some questions for you though. Do you know how to play Frisbee? ...eom
Balika-G: Yes. I used to play forward in my Home Science days.... you know I am good at Home Science .. ;-)
Bala-G: I have heard this home science dialogue somewhere...in some movie...So will you teach me then? I am sick of camouflaging that I know how to play frisbee. Some of friends knew that and I used to bribe them with Nimbu paani in CT ...eom
Balika-G: (gives a wierd look) ... oh ok...

Bala-G: Do you know how to cook food? I always wanted to be a cook, but my grades were low in Std XII and so could get only into Architecture ...eom
Balika-G: Yes. I am glad you are honest about your ignorance.
Bala-G: I have to be. Everyone figures out in some time anyways. So I give it away myself. They call it Freezo level in IIMA...eom
Balika-G: Why do you always say "eom" after every sentence?
Bala-G: It means "End of message" but some enemies of mine have coined it as "End of Manhood" ...eom
Balika-G: ewwww!

Bala-G: How far is your office from Airport? ...eom
Balika-G: Not very far. Why do you ask?
Bala-G: (thinks) ... (thinks again and slips the next question)

Bala-G: Will you be able to shift to "Saddi Dilli" after marriage? ...eom
Balika-G; I may. but whats so good about Dilli?
Bala-G: (thinks harder than ever this time..) ... Peace to all ...eom

Bala-G: Do you hate Mumbai? ...eom
Balika-G: No way! I am from Mumbai. You should have atleast have read my CV before shortlisting me.
Bala-G: Ohh I got just 1 CV that too after so many years...and even placecommers don't read the CVs before shortlisting people :-P ...eom
Balika-G: oh ok

Balika-G somehow realizes that now she has to dump Bala-G and suddenly her mood changes and she starts acting weirder than even Bala-G

Bala-G:Do you know how to sing? ...eom
Balika-G: Yes but only after 2-3 Vodka with Cranberry drinks.
Bala-G: So you drink too?? ...eom
Balika-G: Only on weekdays, weekends I am home so I manage with Hash and Grass...

Bala-G: Did you have a BF before? ...eom
Balika-G: Not many
Bala-G: (shocked and not knowing how to react... he slips a filler question)

Bala-G: Are you a BJP supporter or Congress or the 3rd front.. or the 4th front? ...eom
Balika-G: Last time I voted for Congress... this time it will be 3rd front. I like Mayawati's entrepreneurial spirit of converting election into Revenue generation scheme at the expense of election commission. I hate BJP and Hindu loyalists...
Bala-G: (About to pull his last remaining hair ... from his head)
Balika-G: Peace to all... and yaa ....eod ;-)
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Will not be continued... End of story... End of an Era :-)

Who is the boss?

Actually I make it a point to write something, atleast something once a month. However past 2-3 months have been really bad with long hours, some touring and lack of interest to write...

But some days weird thoughts cross your mind... Today I thought of comparing "A Boss" to "A Wife".

Disclaimers: I have minimal/negligible/absolutely No personal experience of the above. All views are attributed to the powers of observation bestowed upon me by God. All views are penned down as an unbiased external observer. :-P

SIMILARITIES BETWEEN A BOSS AND A WIFE:

- Both get angry when you are late
- Both have a wrong timing of entry
- Both set deadlines for you
- Both like to delegate work to you
- Both generally have no idea what is happening around them
- Both love more money in their hands than they get
- Both point out your mistakes
- Both convince you at the end of the day
- Both can give you at max 30 minutes in the day
- Both help in improving your listening skills
- Both ensure you look a dumb ass in front of them!

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A BOSS AND A WIFE:

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This section is under construction. As soon as any updates are available they will be posted within 120 minutes on this page. :-P

They say...

They say so many things. The "They' will be a variable here but the "Say" will stay constant. People who are "They" will realize it automatically...

- They say inflation is negative when food has now become more costly than blood.

- They say Delhi is better than Mumbai although they know its not.

- They say Ajmal Kasab wants Biryani after what he did to my beloved Mumbai.

- They say swine flu is medical companies' propoganda when people are dying everyday.

- They say such attack was unprecedented. Thats the way all of them are. Duh!

- They say its one year now. Start working now at least!

- They say don't buy Nokia, buy Samsung!!

- They say you can be a Roman or an Asterix...

- They say give treat for nothing...

- They say after Nano lets hunt down the Chemicals...

- They say markets are on a bull run

- They say its a bear market

- They say can you touch 150kmph on Eastern Express?

- They say, we are Bakhthawar I-Bankers in Nariman. They should respect us. Bah!

- They say a bit too much, when too less is needed.

- They say don't buy a bike, what about a car?

- They say we have voted for Congress since 1948... :-)

- They say lets play hide and seek.

- They say somedays you dont give a rats ass! :-D

- They say this is good! :-)

- They say everything without saying anyting.

- They say I need your help.

- They say, is it a hotel or a lodge? :-)
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Signing off