It will be almost two years since I left the world of education and took the first steps towards the corporate life. Every manager does dream of such a life after completing their B-School education. In the job like mine, I cannot truly claim that there has been an expectation mismatch too. I like my work and I like the people around me...
However there is a void of some kind, which reminds me again and again that I am not here for the purpose I am fulfilling these days. I seriously don't know what I am going to do in the future. Its too blurred to become a reality some day. Hence I am taking it one day at a time. So I can even claim that I am living in "Today" if one wants to put it in decent words.
Its definitely not the money that is causing this void. Money is a by-product they say, and seriously speaking, I care the least about it now. I keep on doing different things these days right from participating in a Marathon to crazy late night drives to just watching drama to random cruises off Mumbai to giving endless gyaan sessions to people to just reading anything on the Internet, just to find that right fit, the right fit of what I want to do. Some cues I have, but nothing concrete as of now.
I am neither happy, nor am I sad with the things happening around me. I am just emotionless towards all worldly actions. Reason for same is not very clear. Somehow I don't want to react to anything. Everything is acceptable. This is lethal,crazy some may call it, but its true and I have no good reason to not accept it. This constancy in life is getting to me.
Some friends suggest that marriage is an answer. Believe me its not a quarter lif crisis.But they should realize that marriage brings nothing but another constant in life, which is not what I want.
I want something different, that I haven't been able to find till now. I want to break this cycle of "The usual". I don't want the usual hangouts, the usual work, the usual jokes, the usual gossip, the usual dinners, the usual talk or the usual life which is as of date.
Normalcy too soon is not what I desire. After knowing many people over the last 2 years, finally I want to know myself. I want spend time with myself. I want to see my actions through my eyes. I don't want to be emotionless anymore and neither do I want to learn from other people's experiences. I want an experience of my own, something unique, something strange, something that means nothing to others...
I hope I find it soon... :-)
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3 comments:
And I thought only I have such weird feeling of incompleteness, restlessness and hunger for something different. I am not too sure whether this will change if your type of work changes, if you get some job more satisfying but at least for me it is not only about work. Life lacks something, what I don't know and that's why I guess I can't help myself. Sorry a long comment but just felt nice to find another restless soul. Keep writing.
Sorry the above comment got posted before I could type in full name. Just wanted to clarify as I personally don't like being Anonymous. :)
come join my org.....where everyday, there is a new org announcement.....everyday, the sales team members are resigning and new VPs in newer profiles are joining........and you'll never ever feel boredom.
Org announcements come to me in a subfolder, i've called JOKE of the day
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